How Intended Parents Can Best Support Their Surrogates

The path of surrogate motherhood is long and unpredictable. Even the “healthiest” pregnancy is accompanied by physical, emotional, and other problems. In order for the surrogate mother to always feel calm and confident, and to be able to concentrate on the important work of carrying a baby, the intended parents must provide her with support to minimize stress. No matter how far parents are from their surrogate – across the street or across the ocean – participation and involvement in her pregnancy is priceless.

Guaranteed surrogacy programs of Feskov Human Reproduction Group imply regular communication between prospective parents and surrogate mothers, both in person and through modern means of communication. We are in favor of all participants being friendly and continuing to communicate even after the program is over.

Confidence in a surrogate mother

One of the best ways to express the support and sympathy to a surrogate mother is to show her your trust. This will enable the woman to feel valued and important, that her opinion is taken into account, that she and the intended parents have a real partnership. Future parents entrust her to:

• plan her own healthy lifestyle: eating, walking, resting, taking vitamins, etc.;
• follow all the points of the legal agreement;
• take care of the child in her abdomen, etc.

The trust shown will help the woman feel comfortable and confident in her role.

Emotional and physical support

Future parents are not required to be psychotherapists for their surrogate. But providing basic moral support is crucial throughout the process:

• listen and sympathize;
• communicate on equal terms, with kindness and understanding;
• share personal stories with advice and suggestions on how best to overcome anxiety, physical and psychological difficulties;
• speak, write, send words of encouragement, gratitude and admiration for her mission;
• respect the effort and time spent;
• take regular interest in how she is doing so that she knows that you remember about her.

Some moms need more physical help, some need less. This depends on her marital status, the number of children, the course of pregnancy and other conditions. If the surrogate mother is on limited activity, on bed rest or in late pregnancy, you can offer her extra physical help:

• assistance in everyday activities or presentation of a treat;
• buying groceries/food and delivering them from the shop;
• assistance with household chores, cleaning and childcare;
• spa treatments at home or massage to relieve discomfort and increase mobility.

It is also always possible to ask your mother what kind of help she needs.

Personal presence and signs of attention

For a pregnant woman, the expected presence of parents, both physical and virtual, means a lot. If people live far away from each other, it is advisable to come to a personal meeting at least twice before delivery. This shows interest in the pregnancy, the surrogate, and mutual relations.

Visits can be planned so that they coincide with important medical events: embryo transfer, ultrasound for up to 20 weeks or later, etc.

It will also be useful and enjoyable for a pregnant woman to join a doctor’s medical manipulations by telephone or internet. And quick answers to e-mails, text, and voice messages will show that future parents are worried about her.

Small and cute signs of attention will effectively tell you about the gratitude of future parents:

• a bouquet of flowers will be sent without any reason;
• a plate with fresh biscuits straight home;
• grateful texts, sincere expressions of feelings;
• compliments;
• encouraging her efforts;
• an offer to babysit her baby;
• small gifts and useful things (healthy snacks, socks, a warm plaid, an interesting book, a CD with a film or music, etc.).

For both the surrogate mother and the intended parents, it will be useful to involve the latter in the pregnancy process. This will ensure a better understanding of the surrogate’s feelings, emotions and feelings, and will make it clear to the expectant mother that her work is important and valuable. The more parents are involved in perinatal care and preparation, the more ‘real’ the feeling of parenthood will be when the baby arrives.

What more can be done to better involve them:

• reading books on neonatal care and parenting;
• attend courses for future parents, the surrogate can join you;
• register on thematic websites and forums;
• be prepared for changes in life rhythm and social interactions;
• prepare the child’s room for the arrival of the child, buy a cot, a stroller, rattles, clothes;
• prepare support from friends and family members, assign roles;
• be flexible and not get attached to the ideal result – everything will be fine, even if everything does not go as planned.

Unfortunately, no one will tell if the pregnancy will be easy or complicated. However, the surrogate’s ability to remain strong, healthy and positive will be due to the support and warm feelings of relatives, friends and intended parents.

Feskov Human Reproduction Group guarantees that the emotional, physical and material efforts spent on programmes at fixed prices, will be rewarded by the birth of the long-awaited baby!

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