Gay Phone Sex: A Throwback to Pre-decriminalized India

While gay sex is newly decriminalized, old habits die hard for the gay community.

For 157 years, gay sex has been a criminal offense in India. It’s not unusual for industrialized countries to be a bit late getting with the LGBT program. Until the beginning of the new millennia, same sex marriage wasn’t legal anywhere. Or at the minimum, it was unrecognized. India is one of the few countries that actually upheld gay sex as a criminal offense. The number of countries that criminalize gay sex is rapidly dwindling, to just a handful in South Asia, Africa, and the Middle East.

But before decriminalization, there were few outlets for frustrated gay men. Gay phone sex and underground parties were some of the only places where a gay man could feel safe expressing himself.

Gay Phone Sex: The only way out

India is known for the extreme juxtaposition between laws and everyday life, at least where sex is concerned. In a country that gave us the Kamasutra, they’re surprisingly uptight. Despite laws to the contrary, gay phone sex, sex toys, and pornography have been widely available to Indian’s for decades. As long as you knew where to look.

These services were not openly advertised, but were still well used. The oppression felt by the people was tempered by having available outlets.  Stalls selling homemade sex toys can be found in many markets. Gay phone sex operators are just a few buttons away. For some, this was a godsend. For others? Just a reminder that they were doing something shameful.

Underground sex parties could easily get busted by police forces, that relied heavily on archaic laws to justify harassment. If the law wasn’t ostracizing enough, parties got a bad rap for abuse and disease contraction. Leaving the only real safe haven to gay phone sex.

Gay Phone Sex: Operators

Arjun is a gay phone sex operator. He’s been running the service out of his small apartment for almost 15 years, but it’s not easy. “I have had trouble with the law. I have had to run from my home at times.” So why does he do it? Even when the threat of imprisonment was near?

“I am a gay man. I have not been able to proudly say that for my whole life. I understand that as a gay man in India, gay phone sex was the only thing we had.” Arjun recalls early in his career, when a client broke into sobs while on the phone. “After we had pleasured each other, he began to cry. He told me his frustrations. He felt embarrassed and scared. He then told me that my voice was the only thing he felt he had” Arjun stayed in contact with this man, and they eventually began a relationship.

“Without gay phone sex, we had nothing. No one. It was lonely. We couldn’t tell our friends, or our parents. If we did, we could face imprisonment and public shame. It was horrible.”

Gay Phone Sex: Freedom for the future

Arjun and his partner celebrate, with many other of India’s LGBT community, the new ruling. On September 6, 2018, the Supreme court of India overturned a colonial-era ruling that had deemed gay sex a criminal offense.

While some LGBTs still have concerns over harassment and abuse from members of their communities, they are no longer under the threat of lawful consequence. India’s gay community is grateful, but they are aware that there is more work to be done.

“It’s still hard for many people to come out. Until there are anti-harassment laws in place, it will make it difficult for many people to fully realize their own freedoms, but this is a step in the right direction.” One protester reports.  

Gay Phone Sex: Still a beloved trend

As many of India’s LGBT community have cautioned, there are still battles to be fought. “Until it is perfectly accepted, by everyone, to be who we are, we will still need outlets.” Arjun says, in response to questions about the future of his business.

Gay phone sex is still widely used by thousands of gay men in India, and Arjun has no concerns about that changing. “It is a safe place. A place where no matter what anyone else thinks, you are welcome.” Arjun says that his partner is very supportive of him continuing his career in gay phone sex and hopes that it brings the comfort to others that it did to him.

“If nothing else, it’s still a great way to get new ideas on how to spice up your relationship” He says with a laugh.