“I Can Quit Anytime I Want”: Denial and Other Signs of a Functioning Alcoholic

When you hear the word “alcoholic,” what’s the first image that pops into your mind? It might very well be a skid-row bum, dressed in dirty, tattered clothing and clutching a bottle inside a brown paper bag. Or maybe it’s an out-of-control party girl, getting wasted in a fraternity-house basement before drunkenly driving her daddy’s Lexus off the road.

The reality of alcoholism is that many alcoholics look as average as can be. Your favorite waitress at the coffee shop, the kindly retiree who lives next door, or that upbeat, cheerful coworker with the beautiful smile — they could all be alcoholics.

And so could your spouse, best friend, boss, or brother.

Functional alcoholics, by definition, are people who manage to sustain their addiction even while holding down a job, earning straight-As at community college, parenting young children, or any other avocation or vocation. In the simplest terms, they still function like you and me.

Although many addicts become experts at hiding their drug use or drinking, using excuses and techniques that they’ve honed over years of deception, there are some signs that you can look for. Learn how to recognize the subtle signs of a functioning alcoholic by reading on.

1. She Sounds a Bit Like a Hypochondriac

Drinking to excess frequently results in a hangover. Functioning alcoholics learn pretty quickly how to hide the signs of a hangover from others, because they don’t want to admit how often or how much they drink. Instead of saying they had one too many last night, they will complain of a headache, mention that they must be coming down with a bug, or simply claim exhaustion.

Because it’s common for a functioning alcoholic to drink every day or night, your friend’s ever-present symptoms might make them seem something of a hypochondriac.

2. She’s Late to Work but Early to the Bar

A functioning alcoholic may have trouble getting to work on time, if she or he stayed up drinking into the wee hours. She or he might also look unkempt, have dark circles under the eyes, or have a pallid complexion from not getting enough sleep.

On the flip side, she or he will be out of the office at 5:00 on the dot if possible — and instead of heading home to catch up on her sleep or practice self-care, will go directly to the bar. Or he or she will go home, where there’s a box of wine waiting.

One of the signs of alcoholism is being barely able to wait to have the first drink of the day. If a functioning alcoholic holds off until after work, rather than sneaking sips during the day, they are one step ahead of the game.

3. Her Finances Are in Freefall

It’s expensive to maintain a drug or alcohol habit. And because one’s tolerance increases over time, so too do the costs of actually getting intoxicated rather than simply maintaining the status quo.

There are other ways an addiction can cost a person. For example, they might be paying fines related to DUI charges.

“For a first or second DUI offense, you might be charged up to $2,500 in fines,” states Noll car accident lawyer in Springfield, IL, Daniel Noll. “But for a third offense, the amount could be as high as $25,000.”

If your friend hits you up for a loan and is cagey about the reason, or can’t ever seem to save money, be concerned, especially if they meet some of the other criteria for a functioning alcoholic.

4. She Keeps Her Drinking at an Emotional Distance

Someone who drinks too much, too often is often in denial about the problem. There are a number of ways that denial can manifest itself. He or she may make a lot of jokes about their drinking. Calling a spilled drink “alcohol abuse” or spouting one-liners about booze is a way of keeping the habit at arm’s length.

Let’s say you confront a functional alcoholic friend about their drinking. They may deny it, try to defuse your concern with a joke, or become belligerent and defensive. They won’t hesitate to use your own faults against you when backed into a corner.

5. Her Memory Seems Really Spotty

While chatting with your friend after dinner one evening, you make plans to meet the next day for lunch. But he or she never shows up and never calls to explain. Or maybe he or she draws a blank when you reference people or events that the two of you have talked about.

Memory loss is one of the most common consequences of binge or excess drinking. If you have a friend who can’t seem to remember your conversations, or who frequently breaks social engagements without an excuse, there might be a problem.

How Can You Help?

If you have a friend or loved one whom you suspect of having an addiction to alcohol or drugs, you may want to read up on when to stage an intervention. Even if you don’t go that route, it’s important to tell your friend how much they mean to you, and that you’ll provide support no matter what. Equally crucial is following through on this promise and being the best friend you can be.

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