7 Things Not to Say to Interracial Couples

As interracial dating continues to increase, it’s important to think about how we, as a society, view these relationships, and to be sensitive to the people in them, as it’s unfortunately still true that many people continue to make insensitive or even racist comments.

If you’ve ever considered asking a friend or colleague in an interracial relationship, these guidelines may help you figure out what not to say.

1. Ask how their parents feel

Generally, no one wants to be asked what their parents think about their relationship. We’d all rather not know what our mom thought of our high school boyfriend, but this is especially true if the question you’re asking is “How do your parents feel about you dating outside of your race?” It really doesn’t, and shouldn’t matter. As long as both partners in the relationship are happy and loved, that’s the most important thing.

2. Ask what their kids will look like

The question, “Don’t you want kids that look like you?” can be extremely hurtful to people who are in an interracial relationship. This isn’t only because it implies that having mixed race children somehow guarantees they won’t look like either parent (which is untrue), but also because it implies that parents with children who ‘look like them’ somehow feel a stronger parental bond. Sure, a child from an interracial relationship might have a different shade of skin or texture of hair than one parent, but some genes will always come through.

3. The ‘p’ word

Saying, “It’s just a phase” to black women seeking white men or anyone else dating interracially is a surefire way to offend. Relationships don’t tend to be a ‘phase’ after the age of 14, and to imply that someone of another race can’t simply be a good person is ignorant and untrue. Sometimes, people just want to be in relationships because their partner loves them.

4. “You can’t go back.”

Many people, especially of older generations, believe that people of their own race will never want to date someone they know that has been in an interracial relationship. Fortunately, it’s incredibly unlikely that anyone who has been in such a relationship would want to date someone with this narrow-minded viewpoint. It’s a win-win situation for everyone involved!

5. Make a joke

Specifically, a joke related to the food or culture of your friend’s significant other, like “Oh, so you like hot chocolate, then,” or “Someone likes things spicy” comments aren’t cool. These are unoriginal and hugely offensive.

6. Don’t fetishize.

Even as interracial relationships become more widespread, there are still people who somehow consider these relationships to be nothing more than fetishes. Imagine someone thought you were just a ‘fetish’ for your partner and how that would make you feel. If you wouldn’t want someone to say it to you, don’t say it to anyone else. That means no joke phrases about ‘jungle fever’ or ‘snow bunnies,’ or imply that anyone is somehow ‘corrupted’ or ‘naughty’ because of who they choose to love.

7. “Aren’t you worried about…?”

If this sentence ends with a racial stereotype, just don’t finish it. It won’t end well.