4 Things You Must Know When You’re in the Dating Scene

Dating in 2020 is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it’s easy to find new matches on countless dating apps and discover some interesting activities in which to partake throughout town. To top it off, more and more people are feeling confident enough to put themselves out there and be themselves.

Then again, first dates can still be the pits. Beyond the occasional horror stories, they’re often just boring and leave you heading home uninspired and lacking hope. But don’t hang your head. There are some ways to make the experience a bit less painful — and a lot of them center around having the right mindset.

By thinking positively about dating, understanding what you’re in for, and taking more control of the situation, you can improve your own experience — and that of your date — tenfold. The following are a few things you must know about today’s dating scene that will help keep your expectations realistic and set you up for success.

1. Getting Yourself Out There

You have to start somewhere and get yourself out there; there’s no avoiding it. First dates can be scary and frustrating, but meeting new people really can be fun and exciting. Or, yeah, the experience can be drab and dull. This whole opening, first-date phase might become a long list of non-connections and wasted evenings before you actually feel like anything productive is happening. That’s just par for the course these days. Then again, you might get lucky and hit the jackpot right off the bat. But a lot of fizzle before the sizzle seems to be the norm when so many first dates are with strangers off the internet or friends of friends rather than organic connections.

2. Taking Some Control

It’s hard to make bad dates better, but one strategy early on is to take a bit more control of the setting. Especially if you don’t have high hopes, maybe skip the dinner and go out for a quick lunch or grab a coffee. This way, you can get through the initial formalities without wasting a weekend if nothing seems to come of it. 

Dating apps can be useful and help you find a true, genuine match. But you don’t want to spend every Saturday trapped in a five-hour dinner-and-a-movie extravaganza with someone you barely know. Instead, it’s better to have that awkward first-date talk over a salad at noon than to get together with friends on the weekend to complain about what went wrong. 

Or, just invite someone to tag along with you to a cultural event you were planning to attend anyway and chat for a bit after. Don’t turn dating into a time-destroying job. You won’t be as let down by the poor connections.

3. Going to the Next Level

Going on first dates — the phase where you keep meeting new people and seeing if it leads anywhere — can be tedious and time-consuming. But don’t worry; you’ll get there eventually, with someone whose company you truly enjoy. And once you develop some chemistry and advance the relationship far enough, you can start having some real fun.

Everyone moves at their own pace, but after you get to the right point, try introducing some sexy lingerie or garters as a fun way to spice up any date night and make it memorable for you both. Leaving the house wearing something new and exciting can be a fun, easy and cheap way to get outside your comfort zone and show off your confidence.

4. Striking the Right Balance

Hopefully, you’ll find that right person and can start to develop a real connection. But early on, even when things are going well, it can be hard to know exactly how to proceed. Dating can be thrilling and fun but also a bit scary and nerve-racking. And all these swirling emotions can make it hard to know which way is up. The key is to relax and try to let it all come naturally. 

Some people jump too quickly into a relationship because they think or feel like they need someone in their life to make things better. Conversely, other people are way too judgmental and seem to be looking for any possible reason to sabotage what could develop into a real bond. Although love at first sight may be real for some, it will likely be difficult to know if someone is truly right for you in the first few months. Plus, there’s often an extended period of uncertainty even for couples who later live happily ever after. There’s no way to know when someone is the right person for you. But be aware of your own history — both good and bad — and try to use your best instincts to guide you forward.

Getting the Most from the Dating Scene

There’s no telling what the dating scene has in store for you. Of course, you almost certainly will waste precious time spent with people you never needed to meet in the first place. But, then again, by putting yourself out there, you might quickly find your life partner after a few dates. Or, it could be heartbreak city over and over. But the chase can be part of the fun — if you know what you’re in for and can laugh off the bad parts.

Recognize there will be a lot of tedious meeting and greeting, so try to take a bit of control to minimize any wasted time. Understand when it’s time to call it quits or to take it to the next level — and have a little bit of that fun you deserve. Finally, trust your best instincts when you’ve found someone who you believe is special and worth pursuing.

There’s no easy path to true love. It will be slow and might be painful. But if it’s love you’re after, you need to put yourself out there and be patient. At the very least, you’ll enjoy some good food and conversation. And in the best case, you’ll find a new life partner.